Sadly I cannot take credit for the title. It’s by one of my favorite hardcore bands Bring Me The Horizon and one of their many brilliant lyrics. But I believe this religiously, It’s inescapable.
Whether we want to acknowledge or believe it or not, we’re in the middle of a war. Several wars to come. And most of the battle field is on the internet. This is gonna be a long blog so go to the bathroom, grab yourself something to drink, a snack or two and sit tight. No worries, I’ll wait for you to get back.
Good you’re back. So I was without internet for a good 2 and half weeks at my mother’s house which was cleansing for the most part leaving me too much silence, too much time to think and cry. However nothing compared to the fury I revisited when I got back home and entered the world of the living with every problematic, racist, sexist, homophobic, religious cunt, hotep fuckboy and girl of Facebook. Of course it was fucking Facebook, it’s always fucking Facebook.
The reason I even logged into Facebook was to tell people I was alive and that my phone is complete garbage. But like anytime I log in, I get stuck in an infinite loop of scrolling. Some people from my hometown who have yet to dig deeper into social consciousness kept posting these screenshots. Be warned! Contents contain enraging and idiotic logic:
What’s ironic about both of these is that one was posted by a straight person expressing their disdain for a person realizing they’re lesbian and the other was posted by a lesbian expressing their disdain for someone realizing they’re bi. In both cases, both of these people are single as fuck and I guess they think this contributes to a persons character negatively.
First of all, I’m sick of people acting like folks need to be a certain way in order to date them. If I’m bi and I want to be with a lesbian that’s my business. As long as I’m open and honest about it while also continuously communicating with my partner about myself in relation to our relationship then we’re good. Lesbians, especially black lesbians, make me sick with their “dick dyke” biphobia. And not to get too graphic but how are you going to fuck a girl with a strap and tell your friends she calls you daddy and act like it’s original sin if she sleeps with someone who was born with a penis? Not that the sexual politics of lesbians has anything to do with it, but it baffles me that no one is paying attention to the performance of gender and expression when it comes to sexuality. If you’re girlfriend is bi she will not cheat on you unless she has a problem with cheating, is a compulsive liar, unhappy or whatever personal thing that’s happening with your partner. It has nothing to do with bisexuality holistically.
Secondly, when are straight people gonna stop being butt hurt when someone comes out as gay?? I can’t tell you the number of conversations I’ve had on dating sites with men who find out I’m gay and act like I’ve committed a crime against humanity. Now if I mention that from time to time I hook up with guys they’re like okay that’s cool but the second I say no I’m not into men like that, suddenly their masculinity is threatened. No, you may not access my body as a lesbian and no you may not watch. Even occupying spaces as bi you still do not have the type of access you think you may have. Related to my previous point, just because someone identifies as bi does not automatically assume they’re down for the three or moresome. Stop assuming shit, grow up. But I digress. People’s gripe with women becoming lesbian feeds into this fear of annihilation bs as if when more women come out as lesbian, babies will stop being born. Please miss me with that… And women’s issue with other women coming out as lesbian is they believe the newly identified lesbian will automatically want to fuck every woman they see, including them.
Just like heteros, gays and lesbians have types, preferences and standards. There’s not such a shortage on queer people that we turn to each other and say oh hey, wanna lesbian with me? When queer people move to a new place or go somewhere they don’t know where to find their people then sure, queer communities can be incestuous. But that’s not inherently a queer behavior. I know more straight people who fuck their friends knowingly than my queer friends who fall into situations with friends and so on. Life is life and we all act accordingly gay, straight or bi. There are not specific patterns that are patented by certain communities. At the risk of dangerously scathing the “all lives matter” rhetoric, we’re all in this human experience together bumping into each other in the dark. So stop. And girl please, don’t think so highly of yourself. Don’t nobody want you.
As for this mess about girls drinking and smoking, not being able to cook or clean and all that other shit, I can’t deal with people and their criticism. If you’re looking for someone to take care of your grown ass, then you my friend are the fucking problem. Not them. I got into an argument with my mother’s boy friend because he felt that a woman should need to know how to cook whereas he didn’t because he can go to his mother’s or sister’s house to get fed. So what happens when they don’t grant you access anymore or they live too far for you to casually visit for dinner, how do you survive? I’ll just leave it at that. And yeah, I smoke and I drink. I have to do something when I scroll pass these ignorant ass Facebook posts. But I also write blogs laying foundations to battle the slut shaming and systematic oppression spewed at me daily for being black, queer and nonbinary while finishing school. What the fuck have you done today?
The next thing I saw that bothered me were some feminist postings by some siblings in other chapters of my sorority. Don’t get me wrong, I love most of these people which is why I can still see their posts or why they’re even still on my friends list. But while we are a multicultural org nationally, a lot of these chapters are all white and don’t necessarily identify with the multicultural aspect of it because they’re all white at predominately white institutions. They may not feel like they have anything to contribute to the dialogue or are simply uncomfortable with confronting their privilege without a poc present or other poc to consult on certain social issues and topics. Read: playing it safe. So I guess that’s fine with me, I don’t know. But one of the siblings I recently met and added posted this list:
While the list was trying to do a thing, I couldn’t help but settle on two things as they’re relevant to my interests. 1. “Having preference in appearance of a partner isn’t racist”.
Okay… Yes, we all have preferences. Things like not liking freckles or short hair or me for example will not ever date a short man, it’s not just something I’m into. However…there is a huge difference in saying “I don’t like black people” versus “I don’t like people with x characteristic”. I got into an internet squabble with someone who downright tried to argue that they didn’t think darker skin was attractive and tried to use that “it’s a preference” bullshit to debunk the embedded racism within that. Historically that narrative has been tied into the idea that eurocentric features are superior to those of anything other and opposite, so no Becky Ann, you can’t convince me that you believe darker skin is just a simple characteristic. Anthropologically, people in the same regional space share features because of diet, locale and labor. I’ve met people of different races who look alike more than two siblings who have the same parents. I ain’t buying it. Though I’m not really a believer of this but in this case it’s not what you say it’s how you say it. And flat out saying that is kinda wrong.
So side chicks were on the rise in what, 2013? They became more visible in the last two years I suppose. My guess is the women who are prideful of sleeping with married men got tired of being called derogatory things when let’s face it, it’s not them who are seeking these men out (though there are some who do), they’re being told that they will be prioritized over girlfriends and wives in order to keep the momentum between them and whoever they’re seeing. No matter who’s playing the part of wrong, I personally think the emergence of the side chick is pretty powerful. In a society where women are constantly under scrutiny when it comes to sexual freedom, side chicks have risen up and said we aren’t sluts, we aren’t whores, we’re just girlfriend number two. Now sure that’s classic home wrecking and settling for mediocrity isn’t a thing anyone should advocate but the fact is that these women have taken something shitty and made it their own. In all honestly if she’s not the side chick of your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner, it ain’t your fucking business. Period. So if these women or whomever is occupying this role decided they want to be a side piece, shake your head and keep your thoughts to yourself. Cheating is cheating and sure it is wrong but no one knows what’s going on in someone else’s life. That could be their arrangement. And if there is cheating and lying involved, you can’t tell a grown person what to do. I’m pretty sure there’s been times your people told you that you were messing with someone that was no good but you kept it up because you felt you could handle the situation. Bet when yo ass was tired of their shit you finally left on your own. So will side chicks, so keep it moving groupie. Why you so nosey?
I saved this part for last because…it hits close to home and I find myself at war with myself internally as I write about it and talk about it, so on and so forth. Trigger warning and content warning: I will be talking about rape, sexual assault and abuse that can be graphic in content. I understand if you need to stop here. It’ll be here if you decide to finish it and if not, thank you so much for stopping by.
I am so over these Bill Cosby supporters… One of the things I’m sick of hearing from them is “why did it take them this long to come to the light about this?”
The only thing I can think about is that clearly these people who are saying this have either never experienced sexual assault or know of anyone who has (because they haven’t talked about it). I know a Cosby supporter who has been assaulted and actually pretends that its never happened. My guess is to cover the shame that’s been constructed around rape. There’s always those questions of how it happened whenever someone admits that they’ve experienced it. And because we’ve socially made rape into this unknown act that only happens to girls who drink too much and wear too little clothes at parties with strangers, we’ve detached ourselves from the very real reality that people are assaulted by friends, co-workers, acquaintances, lovers and even relatives. We’ve made rape the dark scary thing that happens in the shadows by strangers because if we face the fact that it is in fact in our homes that this is happening, then we have to own up to the people we think we know, love and trust as well as how we conduct ourselves. No one wants to hear that their husband has been raping anyone let alone their own close friend or relative and vice versa, to find out your home girl has been coaxing young people into sex or a co-worker who you drink with at the holiday party has slipped something into several people’s drinks on occasion and the stories of how things went to far with friends. It hurts to re-see someone in a negative light once you’ve thought you’ve known them because let’s face it: a nasty part of the human condition is that we are fucking wrong some times. But the reality of it all is that it happens. And it’s up to us to right the wrongs instead of covering the shit with dirt as if there’s still not shit underneath.
But because we’ve turned rape into this special “punishment” of sorts, we’ve completely turned a blind eye on possible offenders of rape. Now, there’s far more that goes into rape and sexual assault beyond the us vs. them rhetoric that’s separated us far from the problem. But this specific trait is what’s fueling Cosby supporters to continue in their tyranny. Because Cosby has his status and what he represents in the black community, people are saying he’s incapable of having committed any of these acts against these women. But let me tell you something, if we ask most of these women, and the women or girls they know to be completely honest and answer yes or no to if they’ve ever been inappropriately touched by someone in their life they felt was completely harmless or even looked up to, I bet they would be shocked by the outcome. But this isn’t about how they too can relate to this, this is about the irony in how skewed these same people are. The same people were commenting on how Ciara is a ho because we know her sexual history since we know she has been with three or so famous men yet 40 women who may or may not be conspiring to bring this man’s career down? Which, there’s no personal gain (a part from piece of mind) if they bring him down. In the public eye, they’ll just be known as women who proved a man guilty of taking advantage of them. Which I don’t want to be known as someone who was raped by someone, it doesn’t feel good. Can you imagine what an existence like that is like? Especially on such a large media platform, most of these women will only be known as the person who was raped by Bill Cosby. I highly doubt that these women came forward for that kind of attention. If they wanted their 15 minutes of fame in defamation they would’ve brought some bogus babies up or STD’s or something.
The fact that these supporters can even fix their mouths to formulate a motive for these women makes me absolutely sick to the stomach. I understand that there are people who are falsely accused of rape but to question the motive of one person versus 40 has to mean something. Now I’m not saying that he did it, we don’t know. But automatically claiming that he didn’t because of his status is bullshit. If anything, because of who is should give more people reason to actually say something smells fishy. We’re talking about a man who has power and access to drugs to do these kinds of things as well as lure someone away in order to perform such heinous acts. The issue with power is that it goes to peoples heads and they get to a point where they feel untouchable; invincible. And once they have a taste of that, that’s when it all goes bad and they become hungry for it because they got away with it the first time. I don’t have the statistics on hand but thousands of rapes go unreported. And I may be foggy on that guesstimate. But so many of them go unreported do to the fact they feel they won’t be believed and tethered to that is power.
Let’s talk about power. The reason I’m so fed up with this is because before I was isolated and alone in my moms house, former Oklahoma cop Danial Holtzclaw was arrested and sentenced in the rape of 15, count them 15, black women who he targeted in a predominantly black and poor area because he knew (or so he thought) 1. no one would look twice at these women because of their past police history and 2. no one would take their word over his. The reason he was able to do this for so long was because he was a hometown hero. He played football and apparently he was good and loved by so many people in his community. Couple that with the power of being a police officer, there’s no telling what he could do. And looking at this man, he’s large. I’m plagued by the site of him because he looks like my ex boyfriend who was in the air force, towered over me and was very unaware of his strength which scared me most times when we would have sex. It was never a problem but I could only imagine how those women who didn’t feel like they had voice, who felt like they couldn’t fight and verbalize what was happening to them, felt in the moments he was taking advantage of them. And who were they to march into a police station and tell them that one of their own was abusing the badge while patrolling? They would’ve looked them up and down, assumed they were prostitutes, junkies, felons and written them off. Which was the case for a long time. This asshole just happened to mess with someone who refused to stay quiet. This one woman gave other women courage to step forward and also talk about what happened to them to bring him forward to pay. But if you look him up or look up his friends and family, they’re still rooting for him and trying to fight this because they don’t want to believe their football playing saint is capable of doing something so disgusting.
Same with Bill Cosby.
This woman posted this long rant about how we’ve made a mockery and humiliated a man who’s raised half of black America via television yet we have video proof of black kids being murdered on film and have yet to do anything about it. That’s reflective of a racist judicial system that wasn’t designed for black and brown people from the beginning. But that’s not this fucking fight. The fight is that yes Bill Cosby has done good for the black community but it was still built on respectability politics and shit was written for entertainment purposes. It wasn’t his real life. We don’t know what he does in his spare time or what he likes or what gets him off. I personally think you can know a lot about a person if you find their one absolute joy and pleasure in life, one of those things is sexual proclivities (should they have any). I realize that we may not ever know what that is but can we talk about how the black community is well aware that R. Kelly likes to urinate on little girls with video footage but no one is talking about it?! And we’re still hiring him to play shows after we know what he did, basically telling people that with a little silence and forgiveness, rape can be overlooked. Sending the message that if you’re nobody, you can and will be harmed and we don’t have to do anything about it. Our judgment may be a little off here…
My point is that these women had a reason to have kept this under wraps. I can’t say that I don’t blame them, the attention they’re receiving is enough to make someone say I’m happy I got it out but please leave me alone. This one woman posted a video about how these were probably women sleeping their way to the top and ran out of money so their on to a new dog and pony show. I’m done with people trying to excuse this man.
If you’re going to come up with an argument proving that he in fact did not do it, let’s put character aside. Not every serial killer was a stone cold psychopath. Ted Bundy had a wife and kids as well as being in law school, the craigslist killer was in medical school getting ready to marry the woman of his dreams scheduled just after his arrest, and some of y’all out here preaching about the black community being tore down by this but are also in the process of forcing your families to live in the closet because you still believe in white Jesus saying being anything other than straight or cis is a sin or you don’t believe your friends and kids when they tell you that someone is doing something but because you’re too comfortable to question it, you keep the toxicity around you. But no, people who actually want to hold someone accountable for their actions despite their status and work they’ve done to “build” said community, we’re tearing it down?
Miss me with all that shit nigga, I’m done!