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The No Nonsense Show

Hell is an endless road. And we have all arrived.

10 reasons you should masturbate this May (and forever)

It’s here! It CAME. 

And it’s B E A U T I F U L

(YES that happened!)


Many of you know that I’m aspiring to become a sex educator and safe sex demonstrator. With that, I took a class on human sexuality in college and I chose to do a project on masturbation (named female masturbation but y’all know how I feel about that…). That being said, I’m going to share all the details to ensure some happy alone time. Or at least try to encourage you to start..


There’s plenty of scientific studies that prove masturbation has healthy benefits for the body. It varies from better orgasms to natural remedies!

When I did my research for my project, I got my data from Mary Roach, author of “Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex”. She put her focus on this masturbation device intended for people with vaginas. It’s the Eros Clitoral Therapy Device. It’s small, about the size of a palm, that’s intended to improve sexual responses. Apparently people pay between $300-$400 to cure their sexual dysfunction but this blog is free -ish (it’ll only cost you you’re time!) so read ahead and be inspired to love yourself. 

I’m awful, yes I’m aware.  

Fun facts about masturbating you may or may not know and you don’t have to have a vagina to benefit*:

  1. It lowers Stress – orgasms release the “cuddle” hormone or oxytocin which are tiny happy messages sent from your brain all over your body giving you all the good feeling feels. While it may not be a cure all at the moment, you’ll find that the more you masturbate, the more you can keep your stress levels lower.
  2. It lowers risk of heart disease – insert something sciencey here-. I don’t have the secrets, but scientists have linked lower rates of heart disease in people who get down with themselves more often than those who do not. Maybe is has something to do with the exercise you give your heart when you hit that finish line? (FUN FACT: having sex twice a week reduces risk of heart attack ayyyye get ya freak on ;p)tumblr_m1i9rsxLra1qbu4f8o1_500
  3. It lowers risk of prostate cancer – Though frequent masturbating in young people identified male can actually increase the risk of early prostate cancer, frequent masturbating later in life lowers the risk of getting prostate cancer. The age bracket is a bit unfair, for it only lowers risk in individuals above the age of 50. But, there’s still some benefits young guys! Just dial it back a bit…
  4. It lowers risk of endometriosis – now while I don’t have the specifics of this fact, I do know a bit about the walls of a uterus (2ND FUN FACT: I went to nursing school for two years). Masturbation is actually a good way to alleviate menstrual cramps and the pain from endometriosis in general. There’s several articles and studies negating that but I like to think it’s a way to perpetuate anti-masturbation narratives. Especially because the one I read while doing the research for this blog started off by saying that masturbation for females is immoral and shady. No article writer, YOU’RE shady! But I digress… Do some research for yourself and find out what’s comfortable and what works for you.   
  5. It can help with insomnia – I don’t need to be entirely scientific and academic to convince you that the big ‘O’ will zap you out quick fast and in a hurry… but it case you need the backing, here is a little read for you to help with those sleepless nights. 
  6. It helps you achieve orgasms during intercourse – because you’ve tapped into those pleasure centers (no pun in intended.. maybe a little bit) your body is able to respond differently now that those wheels are churning. AND not only does it help with orgasms, it improves lubrication which is needed to achieve orgasm. So you get more aroused and wetter sooner. See, you’re already half way there!   
  7. Generally you live longer – see all the things listed previously. Happiness and good health sounds like a recipe to live longer if I ever heard one…
  8. It can help with spinal chord injuries (stops muscle spasticity up to 6 hours!) – this is actually pretty clutch. In her research, Roach spoke with some physicians that told her that there was a significant change in the spasticity of the patients muscles after orgasm. WHAT!? That shit cray…
  9. Cure for hiccups – Roach also got some info on this. I’ve never done it personally but WHAT. Mind = blown. I’m not sure how I could keep in the groove if my chest keeps jumping but…it’s worth a shot! No?

10. But the most important fact about masturbating is that it’s safe! There are plenty of resources to ensure a fun time with yourself. Solo fun is a great way to keep babies and disease off the menu. Not in a creepy abstinence only kinda way but more of a if-you-don’t-want-to-deal-with-drama-but-still-wanna-have-fun way because you don’t have to do it by yourself, mutual masturbation is a primary sex act for a multitude of individuals and just as enjoyable as intercourse. Now I don’t know what you’re into but, just make sure you go about it in a healthy and safe way, k?

Now this isn’t to say that everyone needs to masturbate or even have sex or achieve orgasm. Some people enjoy sex for the connection or purely the feel. I’m all about finding ways to do things safely and in an enjoyable manner because harm reduction: people will do it anyway, why not teach them how to do it right?

Soooo why are you still sitting there reading this?? 

It’s still May. 

THERE’S STILL TIME! 

Get up and promote good health! 

*: Mary Roach’s research indicates that a person must masturbate a maximum of 4 times a week to actually benefit from these facts given. Don’t tire yourself out, spread it through the week YOU HAVE 7 DAYS.

Featured post

“There will be no peaceful revolution; no war without blood.”

Sadly I cannot take credit for the title. It’s by one of my favorite hardcore bands Bring Me The Horizon and one of their many brilliant lyrics. But I believe this religiously, It’s inescapable.

Whether we want to acknowledge or believe it or not, we’re in the middle of a war. Several wars to come. And most of the battle field is on the internet. This is gonna be a long blog so go to the bathroom, grab yourself something to drink, a snack or two and sit tight. No worries, I’ll wait for you to get back.

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..

Good you’re back. So I was without internet for a good 2 and half weeks  at my mother’s house which was cleansing for the most part leaving me too much silence, too much time to think and cry. However nothing compared to the fury I revisited when I got back home and entered the world of the living with every problematic, racist, sexist, homophobic, religious cunt, hotep fuckboy and girl of Facebook. Of course it was fucking Facebook, it’s always fucking Facebook.annoyed

The reason I even logged into Facebook was to tell people I was alive and that my phone is complete garbage. But like anytime I log in, I get stuck in an infinite loop of scrolling. Some people from my hometown who have yet to dig deeper into social consciousness kept posting these screenshots. Be warned! Contents contain enraging and idiotic logic:

What’s ironic about both of these is that one was posted by a straight person expressing their disdain for a person realizing they’re lesbian and the other was posted by a lesbian expressing their disdain for someone realizing they’re bi. In both cases, both of these people are single as fuck and I guess they think this contributes to a persons character negatively.

First of all, I’m sick of people acting like folks need to be a certain way in order to date them. If I’m bi and I want to be with a lesbian that’s my business. As long as I’m open and honest about it while also continuously communicating with my partner about myself in relation to our relationship then we’re good. Lesbians, especially black lesbians, make me sick with their “dick dyke” biphobia. And not to get too graphic but how are you going to fuck a girl with a strap and tell your friends she calls you daddy and act like it’s original sin if she sleeps with someone who was born with a penis? Not that the sexual politics of lesbians has anything to do with it, but it baffles me that no one is paying attention to the performance of gender and expression when it comes to sexuality. If you’re girlfriend is bi she will not cheat on you unless she has a problem with cheating, is a compulsive liar, unhappy or whatever personal thing that’s happening with your partner. It has nothing to do with bisexuality holistically.

Secondly, when are straight people gonna stop being butt hurt when someone comes out as gay?? I can’t tell you the number of conversations I’ve had on dating sites with men who find out I’m gay and act like I’ve committed a crime against humanity. Now if I mention that from time to time I hook up with guys they’re like okay that’s cool but the second I say no I’m not into men like that, suddenly their masculinity is threatened. No, you may not access my body as a lesbian and no you may not watch. Even occupying spaces as bi you still do not have the type of access you think you may have. Related to my previous point, just because someone identifies as bi does not automatically assume they’re down for the three or moresome. Stop assuming shit, grow up. But I digress. People’s gripe with women becoming lesbian feeds into this fear of annihilation bs as if when more women come out as lesbian, babies will stop being born. Please miss me with that… And women’s issue with other women coming out as lesbian is they believe the newly identified lesbian will automatically want to fuck every woman they see, including them.

Just like heteros, gays and lesbians have types, preferences and standards. There’s not such a shortage on queer people that we turn to each other and say oh hey, wanna lesbian with me? When queer people move to a new place or go somewhere they don’t know where to find their people then sure, queer communities can be incestuous. But that’s not inherently a queer behavior. I know more straight people who fuck their friends knowingly than my queer friends who fall into situations with friends and so on. Life is life and we all act accordingly gay, straight or bi. There are not specific patterns that are patented by certain communities. At the risk of dangerously scathing the “all lives matter” rhetoric, we’re all in this human experience together bumping into each other in the dark. So stop. And girl please, don’t think so highly of yourself. Don’t nobody want you. tumblr_inline_ni7cs3g0Ds1t4igw7

As for this mess about girls drinking and smoking, not being able to cook or clean and all that other shit, I can’t deal with people and their criticism. If you’re looking for someone to take care of your grown ass, then you my friend are the fucking problem. Not them. I got into an argument with my mother’s boy friend because he felt that a woman should need to know how to cook whereas he didn’t because he can go to his mother’s or sister’s house to get fed. So what happens when they don’t grant you access anymore or they live too far for you to casually visit for dinner, how do you survive? I’ll just leave it at that. And yeah, I smoke and I drink. I have to do something when I scroll pass these ignorant ass Facebook posts. But I also write blogs laying foundations to battle the slut shaming and systematic oppression spewed at me daily for being black, queer and nonbinary while finishing school. What the fuck have you done today? 11b01-eye

The next thing I saw that bothered me were some feminist postings by some siblings in other chapters of my sorority. Don’t get me wrong, I love most of these people which is why I can still see their posts or why they’re even still on my friends list. But while we are a multicultural org nationally, a lot of these chapters are all white and don’t necessarily identify with the multicultural aspect of it because they’re all white at predominately white institutions. They may not feel like they have anything to contribute to the dialogue or are simply uncomfortable with confronting their privilege without a poc present or other poc to consult on certain social issues and topics. Read: playing it safe. So I guess that’s fine with me, I don’t know. But one of the siblings I recently met and added posted this list:

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While the list was trying to do a thing, I couldn’t help but settle on two things as they’re relevant to my interests. 1. “Having preference in appearance of a partner isn’t racist”.

Okay… Yes, we all have preferences. Things like not liking freckles or short hair or me for example will not ever date a short man, it’s not just something I’m into. However…there is a huge difference in saying “I don’t like black people” versus “I don’t like people with x characteristic”. I got into an internet squabble with someone who downright tried to argue that they didn’t think darker skin was attractive and tried to use that “it’s a preference” bullshit to debunk the embedded racism within that. Historically that narrative has been tied into the idea that eurocentric features are superior to those of anything other and opposite, so no Becky Ann, you can’t convince me that you believe darker skin is just a simple characteristic. Anthropologically, people in the same regional space share features because of diet, locale and labor. I’ve met people of different races who look alike more than two siblings who have the same parents. I ain’t buying it. Though I’m not really a believer of this but in this case it’s not what you say it’s how you say it. And flat out saying that is kinda wrong.

So side chicks were on the rise in what, 2013? They became more visible in the last two years I suppose. My guess is the women who are prideful of sleeping with married men got tired of being called derogatory things when let’s face it, it’s not them who are seeking these men out (though there are some who do), they’re being told that they will be prioritized over girlfriends and wives in order to keep the momentum between them and whoever they’re seeing. No matter who’s playing the part of wrong, I personally think the emergence of the side chick is pretty powerful. In a society where women are constantly under scrutiny when it comes to sexual freedom, side chicks have risen up and said we aren’t sluts, we aren’t whores, we’re just girlfriend number two. Now sure that’s classic home wrecking and settling for mediocrity isn’t a thing anyone should advocate but the fact is that these women have taken something shitty and made it their own. In all honestly if she’s not the side chick of your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner, it ain’t your fucking business. Period. So if these women or whomever is occupying this role decided they want to be a side piece, shake your head and keep your thoughts to yourself. Cheating is cheating and sure it is wrong but no one knows what’s going on in someone else’s life. That could be their arrangement. And if there is cheating and lying involved, you can’t tell a grown person what to do. I’m pretty sure there’s been times your people told you that you were messing with someone that was no good but you kept it up because you felt you could handle the situation. Bet when yo ass was tired of their shit you finally left on your own. So will side chicks, so keep it moving groupie. Why you so nosey?

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I saved this part for last because…it hits close to home and I find myself at war with myself internally as I write about it and talk about it, so on and so forth. Trigger warning and content warning: I will be talking about rape, sexual assault and abuse that can be graphic in content. I understand if you need to stop here. It’ll be here if you decide to finish it and if not, thank you so much for stopping by.

I am so over these Bill Cosby supporters… One of the things I’m sick of hearing from them is “why did it take them this long to come to the light about this?”

The only thing I can think about is that clearly these people who are saying this have either never experienced sexual assault or know of anyone who has (because they haven’t talked about it). I know a Cosby supporter who has been assaulted and actually pretends that its never happened. My guess is to cover the shame that’s been constructed around rape. There’s always those questions of how it happened whenever someone admits that they’ve experienced it. And because we’ve socially made rape into this unknown act that only happens to girls who drink too much and wear too little clothes at parties with strangers, we’ve detached ourselves from the very real reality that people are assaulted by friends, co-workers, acquaintances, lovers and even relatives. We’ve made rape the dark scary thing that happens in the shadows by strangers because if we face the fact that it is in fact in our homes that this is happening, then we have to own up to the people we think we know, love and trust as well as how we conduct ourselves. No one wants to hear that their husband has been raping anyone let alone their own close friend or relative and vice versa, to find out your home girl has been coaxing young people into sex or a co-worker who you drink with at the holiday party has slipped something into several people’s drinks on occasion and the stories of how things went to far with friends. It hurts to re-see someone in a negative light once you’ve thought you’ve known them because let’s face it: a nasty part of the human condition is that we are fucking wrong some times. But the reality of it all is that it happens. And it’s up to us to right the wrongs instead of covering the shit with dirt as if there’s still not shit underneath.

But because we’ve turned rape into this special “punishment” of sorts, we’ve completely turned a blind eye on possible offenders of rape. Now, there’s far more that goes into rape and sexual assault beyond the us vs. them rhetoric that’s separated us far from the problem. But this specific trait is what’s fueling Cosby supporters to continue in their tyranny. Because Cosby has his status and what he represents in the black community, people are saying he’s incapable of having committed any of these acts against these women. But let me tell you something, if we ask most of these women, and the women or girls they know to be completely honest and answer yes or no to if they’ve ever been inappropriately touched by someone in their life they felt was completely harmless or even looked up to, I bet they would be shocked by the outcome.  But this isn’t about how they too can relate to this, this is about the irony in how skewed these same people are. The same people were commenting on how Ciara is a ho because we know her sexual history since we know she has been with three or so famous men yet 40 women who may or may not be conspiring to bring this man’s career down? Which, there’s no personal gain (a part from piece of mind) if they bring him down. In the public eye, they’ll just be known as women who proved a man guilty of taking advantage of them. Which I don’t want to be known as someone who was raped by someone, it doesn’t feel good. Can you imagine what an existence like that is like? Especially on such a large media platform, most of these women will only be known as the person who was raped by Bill Cosby. I highly doubt that these women came forward for that kind of attention. If they wanted their 15 minutes of fame in defamation they would’ve brought some bogus babies up or STD’s or something.

The fact that these supporters can even fix their mouths to formulate a motive for these women makes me absolutely sick to the stomach. I understand that there are people who are falsely accused of rape but to question the motive of one person versus 40 has to mean something. Now I’m not saying that he did it, we don’t know. But automatically claiming that he didn’t because of his status is bullshit. If anything, because of who is should give more people reason to actually say something smells fishy. We’re talking about a man who has power and access to drugs to do these kinds of things as well as lure someone away in order to perform such heinous acts. The issue with power is that it goes to peoples heads and they get to a point where they feel untouchable; invincible. And once they have a taste of that, that’s when it all goes bad and they become hungry for it because they got away with it the first time. I don’t have the statistics on hand but thousands of rapes go unreported. And I may be foggy on that guesstimate. But so many of them go unreported do to the fact they feel they won’t be believed and tethered to that is power.

Let’s talk about power. The reason I’m so fed up with this is because before I was isolated and alone in my moms house, former Oklahoma cop Danial Holtzclaw was arrested and sentenced in the rape of 15, count them 15, black women who he targeted in a predominantly black and poor area because he knew (or so he thought) 1. no one would look twice at these women because of their past police history and 2. no one would take their word over his. The reason he was able to do this for so long was because he was a hometown hero. He played football and apparently he was good and loved by so many people in his community. Couple that with the power of being a police officer, there’s no telling what he could do. And looking at this man, he’s large. I’m plagued by the site of him because he looks like my ex boyfriend who was in the air force, towered over me and was very unaware of his strength which scared me most times when we would have sex. It was never a problem but I could only imagine how those women who didn’t feel like they had voice, who felt like they couldn’t fight and verbalize what was happening to them, felt in the moments he was taking advantage of them. And who were they to march into a police station and tell them that one of their own was abusing the badge while patrolling? They would’ve looked them up and down, assumed they were prostitutes, junkies, felons and written them off. Which was the case for a long time. This asshole just happened to mess with someone who refused to stay quiet. This one woman gave other women courage to step forward and also talk about what happened to them to bring him forward to pay. But if you look him up or look up his friends and family, they’re still rooting for him and trying to fight this because they don’t want to believe their football playing saint is capable of doing something so disgusting.

Same with Bill Cosby.

This woman posted this long rant about how we’ve made a mockery and humiliated a man who’s raised half of black America via television yet we have video proof of black kids being murdered on film and have yet to do anything about it. That’s reflective of a racist judicial system that wasn’t designed for black and brown people from the beginning. But that’s not this fucking fight. The fight is that yes Bill Cosby has done good for the black community but it was still built on respectability politics and shit was written for entertainment purposes. It wasn’t his real life. We don’t know what he does in his spare time or what he likes or what gets him off. I personally think you can know a lot about a person if you find their one absolute joy and pleasure in life, one of those things is sexual proclivities (should they have any). I realize that we may not ever know what that is but can we talk about how the black community is well aware that R. Kelly likes to urinate on little girls with video footage but no one is talking about it?! And we’re still hiring him to play shows after we know what he did, basically telling people that with a little silence and forgiveness, rape can be overlooked. Sending the message that if you’re nobody, you can and will be harmed and we don’t have to do anything about it. Our judgment may be a little off here…

My point is that these women had a reason to have kept this under wraps. I can’t say that I don’t blame them, the attention they’re receiving is enough to make someone say I’m happy I got it out but please leave me alone. This one woman posted a video about how these were probably women sleeping their way to the top and ran out of money so their on to a new dog and pony show. I’m done with people trying to excuse this man.

If you’re going to come up with an argument proving that he in fact did not do it, let’s put character aside. Not every serial killer was a stone cold psychopath. Ted Bundy had a wife and kids as well as being in law school, the craigslist killer was in medical school getting ready to marry the woman of his dreams scheduled just after his arrest, and some of y’all out here preaching about the black community being tore down by this but are also in the process of forcing your families to live in the closet because you still believe in white Jesus saying being anything other than straight or cis is a sin or you don’t believe your friends and kids when they tell you that someone is doing something but because you’re too comfortable to question it, you keep the toxicity around you. But no, people who actually want to hold someone accountable for their actions despite their status and work they’ve done to “build” said community, we’re tearing it down?

Miss me with all that shit nigga, I’m done!

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Pride post: Queer Tulane doesn’t care about brown people

A college student sitting at home listening to 6 Underground by Sneaker Pimps watching their cat run circles around herself completely sober on a Saturday night sounds a little odd. Not saying there’s something wrong with whomever does that in their college experience. Shout out to you if that’s you’re daily. For me however, it’s pretty weird.

It’s Pride month at my school so there’s no real reason for me as an active member of my community to be blogging it out on a party night. I can recall the first time I got involved in anything queer related surrounding pride. Someone somewhere was having a party or drinking and we were all together having the time of our lives. Somehow that’s lost its rigor and we’ve all decided to pander to the masses (like most things in society). But no no no I’m not going to complain about my lack of invites to cool kids parties or the fact that our community isn’t really a community because we base solely on the number of views our Facebook events have and how many people RSVP to an event. I want to talk about the blatant disregard and erasure of a specific collective of students: queer students of color.

I’ve been on my death bed from a sudden temperature change so I haven’t been able to be as involved as I usually am but when I see something that needs my presence, I’m absolutely there 100%. Last week I sat in a council meeting listening to a conditionally white queer whine about how no one was helping boost pride month or participating in making it a good experience for all queer students who may feel isolated in their queerness. You can bet your green wave ass she was not referring to any queer students of color. In fact, a number of white students went around the room after this conditionally white queer posed the question should we rid ourselves of pride month all together (because that’s a good way to pull at the heart strings of a guilty conscious: don’t present solutions, instead say how you want to eradicate something so everyone will guiltily say, “Awww, don’t do that. I’ll be better.” But her whiteness is a condition? This ain’t what the blog about…). sips-tea

I digress, they all went around the room stating how they had friends who identified as queer and seeing pride month on campus validated their existence as queer at Tulane. That’s fucking lovely considering only three people out of the ten there were qpoc and there are in fact,zero events about or even highlight the life of queer people of color. Sit with that for a second as we’re also in the wake of the Stonewall movie nonsense and the erasure of qpoc.

I was heated in that meeting. I got out of my fucking bed for this. The meeting ended up just being me telling the conditionally white queer how to be a better leader going about pride month and involvement seeing as how I was the only person in the room who’d been around for pride festivities for the last couple years. Mind you then there was also no celebrations for queer people of color. If we wanted that, we had to leave campus, which we highly recommend anyway.

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Last year there was an intersectionality round-table discussion that consisted of myself and qpoc in my sorority telling white “allies” how not to be fucks. I don’t think the conversation stuck as well as it could have seeing as how we weren’t exclusively asked or approached about doing something else to lift up our experiences as brown and queer during this time that’s supposed to be celebrating all queer identity. I don’t feel so proud to be honest. To be frank, I’m fucking pissed. Every single effort queer students of color have made to show that we exist on Tulane’s campus has been ignored. And not overtly, which I would honestly appreciate and could stomach more. Beyond pride, the white queer progressives introduced Audre Lorde to campus to seem radical and cool. Students volunteered and flooded in for the student expo or whatever the fuck. However, when queer students of color decided to market and do programming for it we were met with a hostile welcome. We had people asking if white students were allowed to come and so on and so forth as if fetishizing our Lorde Audre wasn’t enough, they had to go and act like we took something from them.

Then I sat in another meeting wear the advisor for this council psoke on all our behalf as “dissolving Audre Lorde week because last year was too stressful”. None of use said it was stressful. One of my homies was having a bad time and all of a sudden we were all stressed. No one else reported to him that we had a problem. We were only mad that once we made Audre Lorde week ours, white students pissed us off. But don’t let the coloreds get too upset they might start breaking shit. Any other time you might be fucking right… Girl_bye

But we are already scary. So I digress. My issue with the white help of these students is they sit in on panels, discussions, classes, meetings, protests and demonstrations alike where we talk about the space and visibility we need yet for the entirety of pride month we couldn’t get a single event. What really burst my bubble was when we all got called into that meeting, we were threatened to have our organizations reported as inactive if we didn’t show up. That was some serious white woman shit because they know if I ran in there and said the council was racist due to lack of diversity in programming, they’d be willing to contest it in court (as if it were that serious). As a queer person of color who does so much work on this campus, I should have to wait for someone to ask me what I want or need to see in programming, I shouldn’t have to get mad before something gets done and I shouldn’t have to question whether or not I will see QPOC representation. Something this office has been doing in the time I’ve been here is relying solely on the students of color to voice what we want. That would be fine if they didn’t know what the fuck to do but they’re had years of practice. As self proclaimed allies, I should be able to look up events and find something that piques my interest. These people are so obsessed with looking good they can’t even fake it until they make it. Instead they’re still asking me “What do you need black person? What will make me look like a good white?” 7a63cf90-40e8-0132-412b-0ebc4eccb42f

There is absolutely no issue with accommodating white queers. Everything that was scheduled is something any white queer could identify immediately while we were all like who is this month for?

Well I’m glad to say this is my last year at Tulane and I’m stepping down humbly from my leadership as well as back out of this office. The few semesters my presence was acknowledged was a good run but I can stand to see my work erased after I’m gone, just like they erased the queer people of color’s work before mine. Tulane and especially queer Tulane was not made for people of color even though it was our work that was the stepping stone to get them up there. Nice to know I’m the footstool of queer organizing…Dr.-Who

White womanhood and black womanhood: but where were you??

So I just read an article by Noelle Blood about Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda”. It’s no secret that white women are butt hurt AS FUCK about her saying “fuck skinny bitches” at the end of the song. I even got into a heated discussion on Facebook some time ago with some of my brown girls (shouts to Year of the Brown Girl for the squad love) with this fat white girl who was really pissed about “skinny shaming” from Nicki. The sad part was I wasn’t even trying to negate the fact that it wasn’t a form of body policing. I was more so pissed about the fact that this person, a fat person, was really going in about skinny shaming as if that actually exists.

But before I get into my earlier Facebook exchange and the article specific to this particular rant, let’s talk about “Anaconda” in a simple stupid way and put this shit to bed cuz I for one am fucking tired:

  1. Anaconda is not about fat versus skinny. – No matter how much white feminists focus on the end part “Fuck the skinny bitches in the club” we need to realize one thing: white women and black women have VERY different standards, ideas and perceptions of the body. It is why racist statements like “I don’t like black girls” exists.

  2. As a black identified woman and female rapper, Nicki Minaj spits African American Vernacular (AAVE) in every.single.song. – So as you can imagine skinny bitch doesn’t mean what you think it means. When white feminists talk about Minaj’s “skinny bitch” you most certainly better believe they do not mean our (black and brown) kind of skinny. They mean the white Eurocentric shop in the children’s section of the mall throughout your adult life skinny. And don’t get me wrong, that’s not exclusive to white people. However, in this instance as the white feminist feels personally attacked, the assumption is that type of skinny is exclusive to white women, which lies the initial problem. THIS SONG AIN’T ABOUT YOU. Don’t know what AAVE is? You should probably turn the station…
  3. This song took the most misogynistic classic (Sir Mix-a-lot’s “Baby got back”) and turned it into the ultimate spit in the face. – While white women sit back and cry because Kylie Jenner challenge’s aren’t enough, Nicki stepped in and LITERALLY objectified the highly praised male hip hop figure. She named the song anaconda y’all… Come the fuck on! She is rapping about using guys for sex and money with no shame and how hip hop men become dumb over sex and body parts. If that doesn’t scream empowerment in sexuality then you know what, I’m just gonna take a nap right here… And what kills me most about it is how hurt these white girls are over this song but if “Baby got back” comes on, they’re the first one’s jumping up and Miley “twerking” as if Sir Mix-a-lot didn’t actually use physical representation of skinny white women in his video to explicitly express his body shaming politics towards white women and their bodies. But maybe I’m too old to actually have remembered that happened so I guess we’re forgetting it happened? Cool.

  4. Lastly, Nicki as a black woman is writing ABOUT BLACK WOMEN. – it amazes me that for years white womanhood was clearly protected and held to such high regards so much so that white woman and black women were kept separate. But every time a black woman says something, here comes fucking Marsha in cornrows and a dishiki trying to wiggle in on the oppression. But where the fuck were you when your men were raping us and saying we couldn’t actually be raped because we weren’t even human? I love how the white girls on my campus praise Beyonce (also can we speak on how they’re all clinging to these black woman celebs who’ve been bleached and whitened? Oh, tea too hot?) yet have no analysis on how them using a black woman as a symbol of their feminism is objectifying but cry when they get called out on being racist. I would like to hear by motion for all white feminists to sit the fuck down. There’s some seats somewhere for y’all and if you can’t find them then just start crying, I’m sure some conversation somewhere will be derailed and a seat will be made available for you. In the meantime I really need you to get that you can’t sit with us. Thanks, bye.

Overall, it annoys me when white feminists take courses on race, gender and sexuality and start in on how this song was problematic. Yes in your white woman world this makes no sense to you but for us in our bodies it makes perfect sense. Especially because we have to occupy so many perspectives as women in the middle of something like hip hop that isn’t necessarily here for us. To be honest, black bodies have no discourse in white feminist spaces so why are we even talking about this? Of course when Nicki comes out with something like this black women immediately will jump to Nicki’s side. She’s lived an experience we can relate to which is why we can sing “fuck the skinny bitches” and actually know our skinny friends won’t leave the club in tears.

Nicki is rapping about her experience as a black woman navigating a world that shames her sexuality and boils her down to the sum of her parts. She takes “Anaconda” as an opportunity to say “these niggas ain’t shit unless they’re breaking bread”. Sir Mix-a-lot didn’t have a problem saying “women are just asses to me”. White women learned the word intersectional and started losing their minds, damn.

So with that being said, let’s delve shall we?

The first fatal mistake Noelle Blood made was use white feminist theorists to breakdown the song “Anaconda”. Don’t get me wrong, on any day you can catch me quoting Judith Butler’s theory of performativity because it’s dope and fairly relevant. But as someone who identifies as a black woman, Butler’s theory doesn’t fit here. Butler is talking about performaitivity as it relates to those who’s had agency to perform in their identity freely. Black women have been going with the flow and trying on what fits for years so here, this theory is extra. Blood focuses a lot on fat and the body in general when from the beginning Nicki wasn’t concerned with the body at all. Let’s sing along:

“Boy toy named Troy used to live in Detroit Big dope dealer money, he was getting some coins Was in shootouts with the law, but he live in a palace Bought me Alexander McQueen, he was keeping me stylish Now that’s real, real, real, Gun in my purse, bitch I came dressed to kill Who wanna go first? I had ’em pushing daffodils I’m high as hell, I only took a half of pill I’m on some dumb shit”

Now I won’t go into the AAVE of the song because I’m a firm believer in code switching as a tactic of survival for black and brown folks and also keeping white people out of that, but already in the first verse she’s boiled this cat Troy down to his capability of getting money and what he’s worth in terms of it. Just like Sir Mix-a-lot’s line “My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns hun”, Nicki is saying here that you can’t have a piece of her unless you have something equally as valuable. And as she states “came dressed to kill” she obviously is not interested in any kind of loyalty to Troy as anybody could get it because she’s there to slay and no amount of money is actually worth her time. So he’ll still be pouring out cash and still unable to afford her.

 

Keep up kids

   

And for the bridge:

 

“By the way, what he say? He can tell I ain’t missing no meals Come through and fuck ’em in my automobile Let him eat it with his grills, He keep telling me to chill He keep telling me it’s real, that he love my sex appeal He said he don’t like ’em boney, he want something he can grab So I pulled up in the Jag, and I hit ’em with the jab like… Dun-d-d-dun-dun-d-d-dun-dun”

 

So here is an exchange of the relationship between Nicki and her suitor. Blood takes this part and says how the line “Let him eat me with his grills” as a metaphor of consumption and how black women are objectified and commodified. Blood is reaching… Nicki is only talking about a simple sex act wile naming the status of this suitor by mentioning his grills. This specific line is powerful because let’s keep it real, cunnilingus is not a widely accepted sex act between black heterosexual couples or at least talked about in a popular forum so by her mentioning this, she’s bringing up her power in the situation and exchange and by saying she fucks him in the car states how she has no plans of settling down with this person but just use him, let him blow her head up- “he keep telling me it’s real” (see Lil Wayne song “She will” chorus) and keep it moving. But it’s clear that this man has no substance in her life, only a good time. The only mention she brings up about body is “he can tell I ain’t missin no meals” which is also a mention of personal status. It’s no secret that Nicki is thick. Her not missing a meal symbolizes that and how some men in the black community appreciates a thick woman. Hell most people appreciate thick women, no shade whatsoever. “Not missing a meal” meant that you are fine/sexy/attractive/fit/appealing. Though a sad conclusion but, in the world of cat calling and aggressive flirting, if someone told you that they knew you didn’t miss a meal, that meant you were visually appealing. Classic line in AAVE.

 

Questions so far?

ok.

 

Moving to the chorus “Oh my gosh… look at her butt“. Let’s bring it back to Sir Mix-a-lot. In the beginning, the original line comes from a conversation talking about a black girl’s butt being too big and how she was possibly seeing a rapper because only black women with curves date rappers… (see “I don’t date black girls” and other nasty stereotypes)

 

 

Nicki takes this part of the song and cuts out the shit to bring attention to the black woman’s figure. Like yes, look at her butt. It’s round, it’s fly. You want to touch it, BUT DO YOU HAVE DOLLAS?? No?? Keep it movin groupie. This is in no way any type of skinny shaming. If anything, Nicki took fat shaming and flipped it on its ear. By white women constantly needing validation in thinness, Nicki took the butt and said yes “I got a fat ass“. By white women constantly bringing this fucking subject and song up, they’re actually creating a counter narrative as equally as dangerous as what they’re trying to defend: black women are only as valuable as their bodies and how their bodies are perceived. Get off Nicki’s areola’s and her ass. She’s not here for you.

 

And then the second verse, probably the most important part of the song and the least talked about:

 “This dude named Michael used to ride motorcycles Dick bigger than a tower, I ain’t talking about Eiffel’s Real country ass nigga, let me play with his rifle Pussy put his ass to sleep, now he calling me NyQuil Now that bang bang bang, I let him hit it ’cause he slang Cocaine He toss my salad like his name Romaine And when we done, I make him buy me Balmain I’m on some dumb shit”

 

Nicki in this verse purposely put the penis on a pedestal, stood on the same pedestal, then crushed the penis along with this individuals ego. Possibly in the baddest pair of shoes this duck ass dude bought for her (or herself, cuz she’s fucking Nicki Minaj!). Also can we talk about all the phallic symbolism in the video being destroyed at the hands of one Ms. King Nicki or nah? She only let him hit because he makes serious cash and because he had a large penis. I don’t know what else I can say to you to make you understand how revolutionary this shit is… Also on a similar vein, she mentions another sex act that places her power over this suitor, salad tossing. Please ask any black man if he eats ass and see what he says… 

And the fact that she wrote cunnilingus first and then talked about anilingus with someone of a higher status (in regards to a hip hop lifestyle) says a lot about how she’s a conquering heroine. She also talks about how she uses her sexuality in a way that’s crippling to this person as she says “pussy put his ass to sleep now he calling me NyQuil”. All the white feminists seeing this as objectification are trying to wrangle Nicki into the politics of respectability directing attention to the fact that she has sex in exchange for money and other things indicated in the song. This idea that sex has way more meaning and value than it actually does is the problem in the first place. And again, a white feminist issue.

The way black female sexuality was constructed and white female sexuality is defined causes far too much friction for Blood to have open her word document in the first place. We are not equals as their white world has said to us time and time again, I’ma need them to please for fucks sake to stay in their lanes.

And of course, the meat of the subject on everybody’s tongue:

“Yeah, he love this fat assYeah! This one is for my bitches with a fat ass in the fucking clubI said, “Where my fat ass big bitches in the club?”Fuck them skinny bitches,Fuck them skinny bitches in the clubI wanna see all the big fat ass bitches in the motherfucking clubFuck you if you skinny bitches. What? Yeah. Ha-ha, ha…Yeah. I got a big fat ass. Come on!”        

I would hope that I didn’t need to explain any part of this song to anyone but since we’re on this “progress” narrative where white people want to understand hip hop culture, a culture we created because we weren’t welcomed in the dominant culture, then I guess I have to since bitches don’t know how to stop fucking up all over creation. So allow me to explain some shit. Nicki Minaj in the black community would be labeled as a thick woman. Though she is considered to be so, if she were weighed and because she has a small waist she is still fairly “skinny” by black girl standards. Her saying fuck skinny bitches in no way shape or form means she’s pointing out women of a specific stature. Even if she is, no one is giving love to the big girls but she is here so…

Now, if we want to have an actual discussion about “Anaconda” we can talk about it in terms of bad bitches still remaining relevant in 2015 by getting by on the dollar of a drug dealer solely for the purpose of higher hood status and respectability politics and whether or not it’s female empowerment for black women. Oh but wait, white feminists don’t know anything about that. Or we could talk about the inherit cis and heterosexist implications Nicki makes about gender and sexuality in the black community with this song. But white.feminsts.don’t.know.about.that.

Ok, so we done? Aight.

Coming out: The white hetero-normative gay rite of passage narrative

So I’m sitting here with my sorority sister talking abut new member stuff (that’s about as descriptive I can be) and we come across things about LGBTQIA history. That’s fine and all and well or whatever but… underneath that one of the topics was “coming out as an ally.”

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Pause -_-Coming out is problematic in itself. So why are allies involved? Is this another way white feminism wants to write the narratives of marginalized folks? Allow me to elaborate. Coming out has always been seen as the pivotal moment in a queer persons life. It’s defined as the “psychological process” or “journey” in which a queer person goes through and decides to disclose their life with others. It’s more complex than that but, that’s the basis of it. I’ll admit, I was one of those people. ‘Just say it’ was my mantra. Tell them, it’ll be a relief once it’s out in the universe. That’s possibly the worst advice I’d ever given anyone… There’s plenty of people who haven’t come out to themselves yet or they have and just won’t accept it. “Coming out” or whatever that experience may be is such a personal experience, no one on the outside looking in can put a label on it or even box it into just one experience that is “coming out”. And this can happen in any amount of time, so to say that there is a moment in every queer person’s life where they decided to come out or have a “story” or “epiphany” of their queer experience is trivializing their narrative. Especially because we’re continuously coming out as well. 

And not only are we placing it on a time frame but we’re ignoring the fact that coming out is a privilege of the LGBTQIA narrative. I’m not one to advocate the “Homophobia of the black community” myth but, homophobia among people of color is a very real thing and coming out is not the fix-it tool that people think it is.

My most recent thing has been calling in instead of calling out because not all mistakes among social justice warriors is deserving of reprimanding. It’s a fairly violent thing us SJW’s do to make ourselves look knowledgeable and more versed about something and can further hinder the production of a movement. And yeah as a QPOC that seems awfully docile of me but TRUST! There’s a time and place for me to get shady and snatch edges. And BELIEVE when I do, you won’t even know it. You’ll just feel the burn of your barren sensitive scalp of where your edges used to be. Don’t get a thing twisted boo boo (insert claps).
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So allow me to call in and tell you the issue with coming out. Society likes to define it’s majority population in relation to the marginalized. So we have labels like gay, lesbian, cis, trans, queer and etc. to set “us” a part from “them” in a constant attempt to isolate who’s important and who’s “disposable”. It’s rhetoric. If “us” can’t see “them”, then “they” aren’t associated with “us” and “we” can continue to ignore “their” issues and experiences and never have to help “them” because “they” don’t affect us. Got it so far?

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So I, society, need you to come out and tell me who you’re sleeping with, who you’re attracted to and what’s between your legs so I can know this about myself as it regards to whether or not I’m “normal”. I need to know whether to keep giving you benefits I receive because you and I are not the same. Should I find out you’re different from me in regards to your gender/sexuality, then I know who I am not and I can know my importance in society. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but what other reason are people so obsessed with knowing this very intimate and personal information? It’s surely not to accommodate, so what for?

An example of that would be my experience as a student at a very white hetero-normative university. My sophomore year I spent some time “in the closet” for lack of a better term. I understand as a gender studies major it’s kind of strange to separate my experience from my studies but in order to let the dialogue continue, I had to realize the song wasn’t always about me. But more and more I was pushed into a corner as I listened painfully as my classmates spoke about shit they knew nothing about. So I was faced with a hard decision: coming out and calling out or sit quiet and perpetuate ignorance. For the most part I was able to debunk their statements with factual evidence that came from our textbooks all written by queer identified folks but this one class where this upper class cis straight white dude INSISTED on speaking about the lives of queer women, I had to make a decision quick and come out. The conversation was fine until my professor stepped in with general confusion about the topic. “I identify as queer and I have to say, that’s just not true” I said. They all looked at me as if I wore neckties and converse as a unique fashion choice… Sure my gender identity has nothing to do with my sexuality but I thought they got the point.

Initially the rest of the conversation went smoothly and it was fine. It just sucks that I had to compromise my privacy in order to have a productive conversation. But as the remainder of it went well, the rest of the semester was something I wasn’t prepared for. I became the spokes person for all queer women of color everywhere in that one classroom and the pressure was impeccable. Bad enough there were only three black people in the class and they all gave us side eyes when we discussed race, from then on every time we came across the topic of sexuality they all looked at me anticipating my words. Even on the days I felt exhausted with participating, they still waited for my truth about the queer community. I found that ironic seeing as I’d disclosed my major at the beginning of class but it wasn’t until I outed myself that they were looking to me to tell them all the things.

Now this wasn’t explicitly a situation where I was pressured to come out, I made that decision on my own. But immediately upon gaining this knowledge, their prior respect of my silence went out of the window. I was expected to speak up for all queers everywhere whether I wanted to or not. It was fucking stressful. Even when it came to my final presentation, I was expected to write about my queer identity or something fairly related to it. That pressure and constant scrutiny molded my experience for the rest of the semester. The guys in the class had different conversations with me, the girls approached me with caution because we live in a society where a woman loving woman is still seen as the big bad sexual wolf who will fuck and get fucked by any woman in creation (problematic as F U C K) and generally I was just stressed from shifting from a student to a gay student in the matter of one class. It literally only took an hour and forty five minutes for that to happen. A bit less to be honest. And it continued to happen in other classes and even at a campus job where co-workers would consistently have heterosexist, homophobic and transphobic conversations while spewing slurs about queer people. I didn’t feel safe and coming out didn’t solve any of the problems I occurred, it only made them worse.

With that, queer people have to constantly come out. And with coming out of the closet, you’re essentially stepping into a bigger one. My peers hear me talk about this all the time, allow me to explain this. It isn’t a new concept. It’s origins come from Judith Butler who’s famous for her perfomativity theories. She writes in “Imitation and Gender insubordination”  that sexuality is not something you come into or learn, it’s something that you are. You can’t come out as something you already are. From children we’re conditioned into gender and sexuality from the pink and blue baby showers to Barbie and Ken’s gender roles. You can’t figure out you’re gay or trans because you’ve been that way, however you learned of it in relation to yourself. The only reason we “come out” is because we’ve been all filed under cisgender and heterosexual. So we’re in a state of normalizing our own identities even though they’ve been around before we have. Normative society is just now catching up to it and putting a name on it.

Then there’s the meaning. Hidden in darkness and shame where all the dirty things happen. There’s plenty of dirty things straight people do and no one ever pressures them to “come out” and tell everyone. Even the way it sounds is violent. When I here the phrase, the only thing I can think about is “Come out with your hands up”. A surrender or arrest, criminalization which is certainly what this society has deemed queer people: deviants that need to be stopped/apprehended. It’s a fucking witch hunt still after all the gay liberations and movements. I will not surrender my sexuality so that you may formulate what you feel is necessary of my existence. I’m here, that’s all you need to know.
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Beyond the general idea of ‘being vs. becoming’, Butler also talks about what we know about performativity in the larger sense of socializing. Essentially when we “come out” we’re stepping into a larger closet because we now have to perform in a way that let’s those around us understand the box we now exist in. For example if I were to come out as lesbian, whoever I just came out to is to now assume that I’m a cisgender women who only dates and has romantic feelings/relationships/encounters with other cisgender women. That doesn’t work that way. It erases the identity of trans lesbians and folks who are gender non-conforming who also identify on the sapphic spectrum. Sexuality is fluid. Some people can’t even understand their sexuality yet we have people telling someone who may or may not have done something questionable outside of the heterosexual lens they should just “come out” and be who they are. Why when the categories are so limited? Or when it’s generally not convenient/safe/probable for them? It’s nationalist bullshit society inherited from European gate keeping. “I need to define you to keep you in your place”. Fuck that.
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And another thing, “coming out as an ally” is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. I don’t know of an ally experiencing housing or job discrimination because of their association with queer people… I get that ally-ship is super important but once again, this song ain’t about you. But I digress…Coming out is definitely a privilege the white feminist and HRC gay movement continuously rally’s behind. There was that whole “Born this way” foolishness that Lady Gaga spewed at gay whites for them to completely take and run with. And as per usual, they’re always at the forefront of LGBTQIA movements. It’s easy for them to come out, they’re men and want to be productive in the world, continuing to make culture and create a better future for the children (full sarcasm locked and loaded in all of that). And that’s all fine well and dandy if you have the privilege to think about futurity, but I won’t get into that here. Non-threatening, harmless cisgender white men who just want what the straights want and docile, sensitive, fragile white women who just wanna love other women in peace. That’s not the case for trans and queer people of color.

A part from having being of color, the racism, misogyny and transmisogyny that runs freely in society literally makes it unsafe for trans people and qpoc to come out on the scale that white cis people do. I’m not saying that it isn’t the same for white cis people and it’s not equally as dangerous… But it surely has it’s differences in that aspect. So much so where there’s data to back up the disproportionate death rates of queer youth of color.. But if you can honestly see nothing wrong with someone coming out and you think it’s totally fine, maybe you need to step back and check your privilege.

But take what I’ve given as an antidote to be a real ally. Don’t tell people to come out. Hell, let’s do away with that phrase completely. Coming out is such a personal experience I cannot emphasize that enough. Focus on what’s important and ask yourself these questions: Is this person a fuck? No? Cool. Be their friend. You don’t be a fuck. Does their sexuality/gender/gender identity/gender performance effect their work with you? Your friendship? Anything?? No? THEN MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS. Unless they explicitly ask you for help or come to you and tell you, don’t go trying to be a hero of some sort. You’ll only do more harm than good.

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